Fasting has never been my favorite. I've made several attempts for various reasons, often inspired by witnessing my parents' devout fasting for spiritual purposes. I used to think, "How challenging could it truly be?" The answer, as I discovered, was quite challenging.
In my attempts, I'd manage to go through most of the day, but by early to late evening, exhaustion would take over, and I'd end up passing out, cold, blackout, wipeout. My chosen method was a water-only fast, which meant abstaining from both food and other beverages, sustaining solely on H2O, these efforts didn't even last a full 24 hours. However, my personal reasons were when I was 11-12? To be closer to my parents, closer to god, a higher calling. When I was 17-28 it was pure vanity. I wanted nothing more than to be skinny, tiny, then just fit, or a little plump, but hey, good things must wait, as they say. I lasted till 12pm. I called a friend that day, or this day, I should say. I was anxious, wanting to go out and get out of my head. We did that, only for me to end up right back where I started in my head. I had a shitty evening, let’s leave it there. I did however, meet a man who made me look inward a tad bit more. We shared stories, and connection was made. Promises swapped like love letters to your past lovers. The next morning. It was made good. I’m a highly critical person when it comes to my heart and so I thought more could have been done to say with conviction that they made good, but its a shallow world we live in. It’ll work.
I realized that I found my inner power again that day, though I highly critiqued myself for the goings on of my doing but it made me look at my life with a clearer perspective and path that I was more steadfast in walking in.
Ekadashi fast, August, 2023, I’ll have to try again.
9/4/2023
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