Fudge It, But Why

I finally did it, finally got somewhat of myself together, by starting this blog! Suhweet, I know, I know, you are all like woop-di-do, how hard could that have been? I will tell you! Two years! Two effing mother-loving years and some change. I have been trying to organize myself, my life, my thoughts, for long enough to get text on paper, or in this case, digital web. I have gone through way too much to not let you in on how and why I got through what I got through. I am a student in meditation and meditation coaching, and I pursue the esoteric arts in my free time. Esoterics? Que? What? you ask, google it. Hehe. I am an upfront blunt, maybe too opinionated girl from Alaska, hence the name. I actually grew up in the Los Angeles area, in the city, they call, studio capital of the world, B-Town, actually Burbank. I moved to Alaska when I was done with high school and lost a boyfriend, my first real boyfriend, in the process. I will catch you up on him later. 

So, why the title, Fudge it, but why??? 

I am suffering here. I am suffering from heartbreak, headache, and stagnation. My really not boyfriend of three plus years and I were on the brink, not once, but three times, of finally getting together making a plan to get a house, and a bebah, but then again, AGAIN, he see-sawed!! Come ON!! You know what his excuse was, in his words, "My mentality flips because it's August, I already n work n court n everything. When I'm with you. I lose myself into u..n us..that can change in a drop of a hat to think about everything else..." meaning, he all of a sudden he goes home and bam! we're over again and back to texts from him like, **keep in mind he called like 5x in between, where of course I didn't answer, because of duh, fudergy, so I respond in text when I'm ready and then he answers with, "who is this, and explain yourself.." lol. 

The mind games and mental exhaustion and loss with this guy is phenomenal! Finally, as the title of my first blog entry implies, FUDGE IT.

7/30/2022